S3 Ep.5 5 Things You Need to Know: Situational Sobriety

Curious about sobriety? Join Lauren as she talks to JMU '24 Men's Soccer player, Demitri Turner, about situational sobriety, why people choose it, common misconceptions, advice for those thinking about it and the resources that JMU offers to support students.

Resources:

Sign up for Substance Misuse Coaching here.

Learn more about the Health and Wellness Promotion programs UREC offers here.

Click here to view the full transcript of this episode.

Transcript

0:00-0:22

Intro: 

Hey there, welcome to Well Dukes. This podcast is brought to you by UREC Health Promotion. Tune in every other Wednesday for conversations that we hope challenge what you know, think or do in regard to your own health and wellness and helps you be well dukes.

0:22-0:34

Lauren: 

Hello Dukes and welcome back to the Well Dukes Podcast. My name is Lauren Shutt and I am your host. Today we are joined by Demetri Demitri, would you like to introduce yourself?

0:34-1:00

Demitri:

Hey, everybody, thanks for having me on the podcast. Pleasure to be here. My name is Dimitri Turner, I am a junior here at JMU, quantitative finance major with a double minor in mathematics and econ. So, a lot on my plate there, but I'm also a member of the men's soccer team here. You know, glad to be here on the podcast. And thank you for having me.

1:00-1:18

Lauren:

We are so glad to have you today. So today, our topic is going to be the five things you need to know about situational sobriety. So at number one, Demitri, we'd really love to get an idea of what situational sobriety is, and then kind of what it means to you as well.

1:18-2:15

Demitri:

Yeah, so situational sobriety, you know, my take on it is, you know, it's choosing,  whether it's based off of your preferences, whether it's based off of time, whether it's based off of where you are geographically, and kind of the motives behind your decision of becoming sober. So, you know, just being absent from drugs, alcohol, whatever it may be. And I think, my take on it for me, my personal experiences, like, I've never, you know, had any kind of encounter with alcohol or any substances of that nature. You know, it's definitely hard being in or it's not hard, but I'm in an environment where actions and activities that involve those substances are very prevalent. But everyone has their own journey with it. Everyone has their own experience and motives behind it. So that's just kind of my take on it.

2:15-2:34

Lauren:

Yeah, so when it comes to those motives, that's really looking at why people choose to or why people choose not to be situationally sober. So could you kind of give us an idea of maybe why you choose and then why you think other people choose to be situationally sober? 

2:34-4:26

Demitri:

Yeah, so for me personally, it really just derives from, I'd say, not really even kind of noticing it until I got older. But kind of from a family background, and having a lot of people that I've seen growing up, struggle with substance abuse.  I've seen a lot of loved ones in my life, struggle with that, and have their own fight against it. And I didn't really realize the impact, I guess it would have on me until I got into an environment where I see the substances around me and they're very accessible. And without even realizing it, I just had those, you know, those thoughts of like, my family members pop up into my head, and that kind of motivates me to say, situationally sober. And for other people, I think that their motives are a lot of a lot of it's based off of, I feel like on maybe two things, maybe they want to focus on other aspects of their life, you know, they want to be, you know, maybe more productive, or they want to focus on fixing relationships that they have with other people in their lives. They want to focus on getting healthier, getting fitter, you know, something like that, as they want to put more time and effort into other areas of their life. And they realize that if they're not sober, if they're taking substances, they're taking away kind of energy and focus and they're, they're taking away that, that level of commitment that they want to put in somewhere else in their life, and they're putting it you know, to those substances. And so I think that's a big reason for why I think many people stay situationally sober.

4:26-4:36

Lauren:

Yeah, totally. I can totally see that. Kind of leaning more into that. How do you think it's personally benefited you?

4:36-6:05

Demitri:

Yeah, I've seen a huge impact. I'm definitely a very busy person. I like to stay busy. I feel like that's just kind of the personality that I am. And I find that by staying situationally sober, I'm able to have a clearer mind and a more productive day. Because if I'm making the decision to stay situationally sober, you know, I'm able to go and wake up the next day and get right to do anything, you know, in completing my checklist. I'm able to wake up at 8am and get to work at 9am. And able to keep that same energy throughout the whole day, and then do it again the next day. And then even even when it's like, let's say, you don't have as busy of a weekend or something, you know, let's say, you can, you can take a couple days off, but let's say you do have something that you have to do on Monday, let's say if you're saying if you're if you decide to use some substances you wake up and yeah, the next day, you're feeling a little bit lethargic,  you don't have a very clear mind, it's a bit foggy. That still rolls over even to like, the next day after that, so it's, it's knowing that what works for you, and knowing how, you recover physically, mentally, and I feel like, by me staying situationally sober, like, I'm able to stay sharp physically, mentally, whenever I need to.

6:05-6:33

Lauren:

Exactly. So when we're looking at why people choose or choose not to, I feel like a lot of the stigma around it is around common misconceptions with the decision to be situationally sober. Could you kind of speak to some, maybe some things that you've encountered like, personally, as far as misconceptions go with being situationally sober? Things that you've seen with other people that have made this decision?

6:33-8:31

Demitri:

Yeah, so I'd say, some of the misconceptions whenever I tell somebody that I've been sober and I've been sober my entire life, and even three years in college, the first reaction that I usually get is a bit of a, like, a dumbfounded look, and they look surprised, or they don't believe me, and they'll, they'll have to, like, second guessing and be like, are you? Are you serious? Like, like, are you serious? Like, not joking right now? And I'm like, Yeah, I, I've been sober my entire life. And then, so usually it becomes kind of a disbelief is like the initial reaction. But I would say the misconception that I receive is that somebody thinks that maybe that like, after they don't believe it, they think that there's probably a time of abuse in the past. So they think, okay, this person situationally, so we're right now, it must be because when they, when they aren't, so were they, they must be like, off the walls crazy. Like they don't know how to, be responsible with these substances, they don't know how to control themselves under these substances. Or they may think that, like, they're just like an uptight, and don't like to have any fun. You know, they're, they're just, you know, all work, no play, and I think those are the kind of misconceptions that people think that like, oh, you know, you're not out here, you like drinking tonight? Oh, okay, well, then you just must not want to have a good time or something. I think a lot of people think that you have to drink or use these substances in order to enjoy yourself. And I think that's one thing about situational sobriety where it's like, I can be sober and have just as much fun and enjoy the situation and have a laugh just as much as you are while using them. So I think those are a couple of misconceptions that go around.

8:31-8:59

Lauren:

Absolutely. And with those misconceptions, and especially that you're like, you're not fun or something like that. I know, that can be difficult. So could you give anybody an idea or some advice as far as how you deal with situations when you're maybe not being necessarily pressured? But like, when you're having a hard time with it, or when you're in a situation where everybody else is consuming or choosing to consume and you're not?

8:59-11:16

Demitri:

Yeah, I mean, a lot of times, most situations where I am in those environments, I usually am the only one that isn't that isn't drinking or using any of those substances. It can be difficult because you don't want to feel like the one that is out of place. You don't want to be like the one like the oddball out but it really it's you're really not it's like everyone has their own way of having fun and enjoying those situations. I would just say be confident in those situations, do what makes you happy, fine like just because someone else chooses the drink and they find enjoyment from that. That's fine. I have nothing against that. And just as they shouldn't have anything against me, choosing to derive my enjoyment from staying away from those substances. And so for me, people are always kind, wanting to offer me something. And I have to remind them yeah, like, this is what I choose to do. And oftentimes, they're very respectful. But I would just say that, like, I, I tend to give my explanation why because people choose, usually don't believe me, but after that I usually explain like, hey, like I find my enjoyment from, from other things, like, playing games, or listening to the music, stuff like that. So I usually try to show that I'm here to have, you know, a good time and enjoy myself just like you are. So like, here's the I may offer my route of enjoyment. So when someone offers me a drink, I'm like, oh, no, it's okay. But how about we go, like, go dance instead or something. I usually try to invite them into my world, and try and show them my form of enjoyment, instead of just it always being something that they see as like, Oh, why? Why are they not drinking or something? So like, I try to show them how I have my fun, and try and show them, give them a little bit of a sneak into my world, what goes on with me.

11:16-11:45

Lauren:

Absolutely, it's anytime you can like, give perspective, instead of just kind of like shutting people down, I think it's like a really good way to have that conversation, when you're having that conversation with people other than like, giving them that, that little peek into what you do to have your fun and how you interact in these situations. How do you actually have the conversation when people are a little more combative about it?

11:45-14:52

Demitri:

Yeah, I mean, it can definitely be tough. Because you know, people, when you are usually when you are the minority in these environments, and there's times where people are very persistent. And in trying to get you to accept some substances and stuff like that, or they're not very exceptive of your motives of why you choose to be situationally sober, I would say in those moments, it's definitely been a test for me and a test of my character, to stick to my belief and my values, and I have yet to go against them. So I'm glad to see the commitment that I have to those values. But I would say that if your motives are true, and your motives are pure, and you truly want to stay situationally sober, that you should be confident in who you are, be confident in your motives. And don't let you know, one opinion, two opinions, someone coming up to you and, and giving you a hard time or arguing with you don't let that discourage you, if anything, let that motivate you to stick to your values even more. And I would say surround yourself with people that are going to help you stick to your peer journey of being situationally sober, you know, because it can't, sometimes it's not easy. Some people maybe they've been using the substances for a while and there, they don't like the way they've been feeling. And they know what the best for them is to be situationally sober, and they try to start that journey moving forward. I would say reach out to the people that you're around, that you're closest to, that truly care about you. And they can help you in those situations. Because, you know, sometimes a stranger will come up to you and ask you, you know, why aren't you drinking or, and they may be persistent. And they may be asking you more questions and challenging your motives. But if you have someone around you or if you have a group of people around you that understand your values that understand why you're choosing to be situationally sober, it can help you get through those moments, they can come in and help you and be like, hey, you know, they this is why they choose to be situationally sober, you should respect those beliefs. So it doesn't feel like you're having to go through it by yourself or doesn't feel like you're having to face these challenges and face these people that are against you by yourself and it's a lot easier to go through these moments with other people. And it can help you have even more growth too. You may be able to go through these moments, and you'll be able to even succeed and be able to, to deal with these pressures by yourself. I have a lot of confidence that the people that choose to go through it can succeed by themselves. But you can see even more growth and you can get to that growth even faster if you're doing it with people behind you and in your corner.

14:52-15:10

Lauren:

Yeah, definitely. It takes a village sometimes. Yeah, so tacking on to a little more advice. What advice do you have for people that are just starting their journey in college, when it is all around?

15:10-18:33

Demitri:

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's hard. First off, I just want to say that I understand the challenges, because you're in an environment where it's so prevalent and it's almost just embedded into the culture. And you may, you may want to feel a part of that culture. And you may feel like you're missing out because you don't participate. But I just want you to know that find groups, find people that share the same values as you that share the same interests, and it can be tough because you feel like you're the minority. But I want you to know that, like, there are people out there that have, you know, the same beliefs as you, they have the same interest as you. And there's a lot of different groups on campus that you can be a part of, and that you can find an identity within. And even if you do want to go out and enjoy yourself, there's nothing wrong with that. And that, make sure that just you're just putting yourself in environments where you're able to do these things in a safe way. Maybe, if you know that there's going to be a lot of, substances at a function later on, and that it's going to be hard for you to stay committed to the journey that you just started, then I would suggest maybe taking a break away from those environments, just to get yourself kind of established. Get your foundation good. And then try and go out to those environments and see if you can keep that situational sobriety up. And to know that, like, continue to remind yourself of why you're doing it, remind yourself of why you're doing it and the benefits that you're going to see from it. Don't let that first wave of like, Oh, I really could, I really could use a drink right now, or I really wish I could be out there enjoying one with my friends. Know that you're going to have to take a couple steps back. To go even farther forward take one step back to take two steps forward, that type of mindset. So just don't let the initial kind of challenges derail you from the end goal. Because you're going to feel so much better, you're gonna be mentally, physically, whatever it is that you're seeking, from this situational sobriety isn't going to come in the first week, it's going to be a journey, and it's not going to be easy for some people, or it might be harder, it might be easier for some, but just know that your journey is unique to you. And don't feel like you have to rush it. Take the steps that are gonna allow you to succeed, whether it means staying away from those environments, surrounding yourself with a good strong support group, seeking help from resources on campus, whatever it may be. Take those steps at the very beginning to set yourself up for success.

18:33-19:00

Lauren:

Absolutely, and speaking of those steps to success, and people that can help you and resources that can help you on your journey, we have quite a few resources, specifically at UREC that kind of deal with how we could help with substances. So could you kind of give us an idea of some maybe some resources that you use, and then kind of other on campus resources as well?

19:00-21:08

Demitri:

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot I feel like JMU does a great job with providing resources to the students to allow them to succeed in whatever regard that is academically, mentally, whatever regard they're there to help put you in the best position to succeed. Then, in regards to situational sobriety, like for me, being in athletics. I'm around the athletic department a lot. That's basically where I spend most of my time and that's most people who I stay with, and I think the best avenue for me is just being around my teammates. And I think for most students, that's also going to be a great kind of resource for them just like their peers, friends, people that they're close to. I feel like it's a lot easier for them to open up with somebody who they see as an equal, or see as somebody that they can relate to, someone that's kind of going through the same challenges as them. But even going a step past that I have sports psychologists that we have for our team, and I'm able to talk to them whenever needed. And they're a great resource. And I know on campus UREC has a really good  substance misuse coaching program. And I've heard great stuff about that. And they can really help anybody that feels like they need that kind of maybe more structured, more formal, not formal, but kind of another avenue to get help in a different regard. Because everybody's journey is unique and different to them, and requires speaking to different people and going down different routes. So those are definitely great resources.

21:08-22:26

Lauren:

UREC, speaking from somebody who's there all the time, has a lot of substance misuse resources. The coaching is great, because it's appointments that are typically worked around your schedule. And then we also have the 21st Birthday Program that works with students when they turn 21. And having those conversations about, well, what does consuming substances look like to you, and how can we aid you in this process, if you choose to consume. So they're all really great programs, we also have regular wellness programs within UREC that are weekly. Some of them are like, we do dodgeball in the pool with drunk goggles to simulate how consuming certain substances would make you see. So it's really, really cool and eye opening that we're able to offer things like that as well in an educational format. So yeah, tons of resources, we'll have them in our nice little description so you can reach out. I really want to thank you, Demitri for joining us today and wanted to know if you have any closing thoughts for us?

22:26-23:31

Demitri:

It's been great, I It's been a pleasure to be able to share, kind of my journey and my thoughts on the subject because I definitely feel like situational sobriety is something that is very overlooked, within our generation, especially college students. I feel like, it's definitely something that I've seen a lot of growth within myself, I've seen myself, I feel like I wouldn't be the person that I am today without the situational sobriety that I partake in. And I would just encourage anybody that is thinking about trying it, I would definitely encourage you to and know that your journey is unique to you, stay strong to your values to your beliefs and enjoy the journey and have a positive mindset all throughout it. So thank you guys again for having me. It's been a pleasure sharing.

23:31-end

Lauren:

Yeah, thank you for sharing your journey. It's been so inspiring to hear your thoughts and it will definitely I think inspire other people to maybe if they're not considering it at least look at people's different viewpoints and respect them a lot more so I really really appreciate having you on today. Well Dukes just closing out. I want to remind you to follow us on TikTok and Instagram to stay up to date on all things UREC  and all things Well Dukes and as always, be well Dukes.