Ep. 5 Identities 101: The ABC's of LGBTQ+

Have you been curious about the ABCs of LGBT? This episode of Well Dukes is hosted by the staff of SOGIE (Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, & Expression) Programming. Listen in as they go over the basics of queer identities. Jennifer Iwerks (Assistant Director), Cassidy Mechalske (Graduate Assistant), and Vic Tedrow (Student Coordinator) talk through the acronym and give some context on what it’s like to be LGBTQ+.

Learn more about SOGIE by following them on social media @jmu.sogie!

This episode's transcript can be found here.

Resources
Emily Quinn Talk "The way we think about biological sex is wrong": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stUl_OapUso

Gender Unicorn: https://transstudent.org/gender/

Be Well Dukes!

All episodes of Season 1 (2020 - 2021) were recorded  when The Office of Health Promotion or, The Well, was a part of the University Health Center and located in the Student Success Center. As of summer 2021, The Well no longer exists and we are now UREC Health Promotion. Check out Season 2 Episode 1 to learn more about these changes or visit JMU University Recreation's website.

Transcript

Episode 5: Identities 101

Links

Emily Quinn Talk "The way we think about biological sex is wrong": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stUl_OapUso

Gender Unicorn: https://transstudent.org/gender/

Transcript

Intro: Hi there! Welcome to Well Dukes, brought to you by The Well. Each week, you’ll hear conversations from a variety of JMU staff and students that we hope will challenge what you know, think, or do in regards to your own health and helps you be Well Dukes. 

Jennifer: Welcome back to Well Dukes podcast. SOGIE programming is here with you today guest hosting and we are really excited for this episode with you. My name is Jennifer Iwerks, I use she/her pronouns, and I'm the Assistant Director for SOGIE programming. SOGIE programming stands for Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression. So we work with our LGBTQIA+ students on campus, we run the lavender lounge, we have a peer education team, and we just do lots of things supporting our LGBTQ+ students and doing education on campus. And I have two other people who work with SOGIE programming here hosting with me today, so I'm gonna turn it over to them.

Vic: Hi everyone, today our podcast episode will be about identities, and specifically the LGBTQ+ acronym so we'll be running through each and every single one of them to clarify for you. My name is Vic. I use she/they pronouns and I’m the educational coordinator of SOGIE, I've been a part of SOGIE since my first year at JMU. I'm now a senior and so I'm really excited to be here with you all today.

Cassidy: And my name is Cassidy Mechaslke, I use she/her pronouns, and I am this years graduate assistant for SOGIE  programming. I’m very, very excited to be here today.

Jordan: Okay, so like Vic said, we're gonna start by talking through the acronym. So just a little bit in general about the acronym to describe the queer community. There's a lot of different versions of the acronym out there that you might see sometimes you just see LGBT, LGBT+, LGBTQ+. So there's a lot of different versions, it's changed over the years as the community and identities related to the community have grown. As people have just learned more and more people have worked together to try to achieve equity for different sexual orientations and gender identities and just the expansiveness of what we know about sexual orientation, gender identity, romantic orientation, all terms that we're going to talk about more as we go on. But the version that we're going to use today to talk through identities with you is LGBTQIAQP+, or star. So we're gonna go through each of those letters and talk about what those identities mean, and then we'll talk a little bit more generally about sexual orientation and romantic orientation, gender identity and all that stuff. So, the first letter in the acronym L stands for lesbian, that one's probably not a big surprise for a lot of people. Lesbian, in general, usually means a woman who is attracted to other women. There can be different ways that people define all of the different identities within the acronym so we always like to give that caveat. And then for “lesbian” specifically, there can be some nuance for non binary femme individuals and their attraction there as well so this doesn't inherently mean someone who is cisgender only being attracted to other cisgender women. There are also trans women there are also non binary femme identifying people that can be included in this definition too.

Cassidy: Similarly, the G stands for gay, which most often refers to men who are attracted to men. But anybody of all genders can use this label as well to mean someone who's attracted to others who share their gender identity.

Vic: So this can also be used as an umbrella term for the community. I know I use that for myself but it's not the most inclusive label. Because of the definition we just gave you and also recognizing that it might be some form of erasure for middle sexualities like bisexual folks who, if you call them gay then they might feel like you're not encompassing their whole identity. So that's just a good note for that, and the next part of the acronym be bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender can also often refer to someone who is attracted to individuals of gender similar to their own, and to individuals of a gender different from their own.

Jennifer: So, the T in the acronym stands for trans or transgender. And this is a constellation term for gender identities that are non-cisgender identities. So this means someone who does not identify with the gender society aligns with their sex assigned at birth. So cisgender means that when you were born, you were given a sex (male or female), and our society says that if you are male you're a man and if you are a female you are a woman. And so if you align within those two binary identities, you identify as cisgender. And so, trans again is that constellation term for any identities outside of that. And so constellation term simply means like a collection of different terms, similar to umbrella term. So there are a lot of other identities that can fall under the transgender category. And we'll talk more about some of those as we go on. But being trans or transgender can also be its own identity as well. So someone who does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth might just identify as trans.

Cassidy: And let me kind of reach one of the Q’s, and there's another Q we'll hear about later but. Similarly, to trans or transgender, queer is a constellation term for sexual and gender minorities, or could also denote someone who is romantically under sexually attracted to all genders. Oftentimes, I've heard it as an umbrella term for the LGBTQ+ community, but it was once used as a slur against the community. However, it is being reclaimed, but that's important to know because oftentimes there are still some people who don't appreciate this term being used as an umbrella term may not identify or relate to the time when it's used.

Vic: Yeah, I've definitely met some people who aren't a fan of the word and it's good to keep that in mind when you're using it just to making sure everyone is comfortable with it, but you might also hear queerness in the context of a political framework or an approach to liberation and feminism, so you might even hear Queer Studies, for example. So that's just a term that would be used to encompass LGBTQ+ community, most likely. The next part of the acronym: intersex. This is something, just to note here it's not always an identity that wants to be identified with the community. So, we welcome anyone who wants to join but of course, you don't have to. You may or may not have heard about intersex individuals before. But I would say it's really important to do some, maybe, deeper education if this is your first time learning about the identity. So it's an individual who has a medical difference in hormones, chromosomes, or secondary sex characteristics from the perceived categories of male and female. I'd recommend checking out Emily Quinn's TED talk on this, or if you just look up TED talks in general, there's a wide variety of voices on there.

Jennifer: So, our other q stands for questioning. Someone who's unsure or exploring any aspect of their sexual gender or romantic identity. Sometimes this can be a transitional period between multiple identities, but it's not always that way for people. And I think it's really important to remember the questioning because we really want to validate that it's okay to be unsure, and it's okay to be exploring who you are. And sometimes we really see identities as like a final destination, or, or something that you've known forever in your life and that might be true for some people but it's not true for everyone. And we always just like to really validate that people that are questioning or unsure of, if they're in the community at all. Or, who, or how they might identify within the community are still so welcome and celebrated as a part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Cassidy: And I love the idea of validating that because, I mean, everyone has their own process, and their own journey, and, you know, questions specifically, wherever that transitioning or that, you know, self reflection takes you it doesn't negate the validity of any previous or future identities, any individual may hold and I think that that is really really important. Especially as an ally to kind of respect that process, and know that it's different for everybody. So, I like that. And then A is a sexuality, and this is someone who experiences no or infrequent sexual attraction. And it's not the same as celibacy or abstinence is not a choice. I mean, just how somebody identifies and feels in relation to sexual attraction. And it does not mean individuals cannot form meaningful relationships, I think that's the big misconception with asexuality.

Vic: Another good thing to know about asexuality is that it's actually on a spectrum. And some people might assume that if you're asexual, you don't want to engage in anything sexual at all but that's not the case, everybody's different. A lot of this just depends on communicating with the person that you will or won't engage with in a romantic or sexual way so yeah. I want to encourage people to remind themselves that sexuality is a spectrum even within one identity and within one label and that's what's so awesome... that’s what's so awesome about the diversity of the community. So, moving on to pansexual. This is another way that I identify. Another note, it's just that, you can actually identify with multiple labels so for me, for example, I use queer, gay, and pansexual. So if you ever hear someone maybe saying one thing one day and a different thing another day that doesn't mean they're invalid or that they've changed their mind. They might just interchange some labels, but pansexual means someone who experiences sexual attraction, regardless of gender. Alternatively, someone who is sexually attracted to all genders.

Jennifer: I also want to say, similar line of thought to that is, we always want to respect the language that someone else wants to use for their identity. Um, so I know a lot of people like you mentioned, maybe use pansexual or bisexual interchangeably and sometimes people feel like they mean very similar things and they can for some folks, right? But we know there are other people who might have a specific identity that really feels like it fits, who they are and it's important to always use the language that they would like you to use to describe their identity. So that's something that I always like to keep in mind too. And then we have our plus or star at the end of the acronym so a lot of people see this pretty frequently, and the plus is meant to just signify that this community is large, it's growing, and there are more identities that are a part of this community as well. So we can't go over all of them today because there are just so many. But one of the ones we really wanted to mention is 2-Spirit. So 2-Spirit is a modern pan-Indian umbrella term used by some indigenous North Americans to describe native people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third gender ceremonial and social role in their cultures. And 2-Spirit is an identity that is really rooted in indigenous communities and is an identity that lives in that space and should only live in that space so that's something that we really only see folks that are connected with indigenous Indian communities.

Vic: Like Jennifer said the plus encapsulates so many identities so we're not going to go over all of them, but you might also be familiar, just going off of third genders and genders beyond the binary, you can hear gender nonconforming, genderqueer, agender, those are just some terms you may have heard before. We also want to recognize polyamorous folks, and so this is the practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner with the informed consent of all partners involved. It has been described as consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy. So there's a lot of stigma around this, like there's a lot of stigmas around a lot of identities so we want to keep you informed with the real definition and while some folks may not align with our definition, we hope that this at least steers you away from the direction of judging anyone who identifies as polyamorous.

Jennifer: Yes, absolutely. There are a lot of different ways that polyamory can look. And I want to note here too that polyamory, similar to the reasons Vic mentioned, is a lot of times associated with the LGBTQIA+ community because it's a very stigmatized practice of sexual romantic relationships, and it definitely fits in here. Somebody can identify as straight, and also polyamorous so someone doesn't have to be gay, bisexual, pansexual, lesbian, any of those identities to be polyamorous. So sometimes people identify as polyamorous and not a part of the LGBTQ+ community because they identify as straight, but we like to loop them in here because we feel like they've experienced a lot of the experiences that a lot of this community has to. So.

Vic: It's different than polygamy if you were confusing those two. 

Jennifer: Yes. 

Vic: Well, we could also talk about some other identities that you may have not heard of before-- I actually hadn't heard of until maybe this past year, known as androsexual and, I believe I'm not sure-- Jennifer if you know how to pronounce the other one--

Jennifer: Gynosexual.

Vic: Gynosexual. Okay, so this is with androsexual being attracted to masculinity. So, for example, someone who is attracted to masculine presenting people. So it doesn't... they don't need to be a man or have particular genitalia and the same goes for gynosexual with being attracted to femininity. So this is for some folks more inclusive of non binary and trans individuals so we just wanted to put that out there because I actually feel like I resonate with that somewhat and so I'd like maybe someone else to hear that and feel the same way as me.

Vic: So we're going to move on. That was just our little, brief kind of description of some of the identities that are included in the plus, but like we said there's a lot more so if you're really interested in this, feel free to research it. What we want you to take away from this episode, not just identities, but also just the whole framework of gender identity, sexual orientation. You might be familiar with the gender unicorn or the. I believe it's a gingerbread man or the gingerbread person. I don’t know if you know, what’s their name?

Jennifer: Yeah, yeah. The gingerbread person.

Vic: The gingerbread person. 

Jennifer: I prefer the unicorn because I always love unicorns.

Vic: Yeah, I prefer the unicorn too I think it's also a little bit more comprehensive, but if you don't know what we're talking about, then we might just be able to show you a little bit here. Basically, we want to tell you that sexual orientation, and romantic orientation, do not have to coincide with your gender identity and gender expression. They're all separate. They're all separate orientation identities. So, just because you identify as straight, doesn't mean you identify cisgender. And just because you identify as bisexual doesn't mean you're biromantic. 

Vic: So you might be familiar with the concept of gender identity being different from sex assigned at birth. So, just because someone is assigned female at birth. You might hear AFAB or assigned male at birth AMAB, that doesn't mean that a gender, gender identity is male or female. So that's just a little bit more about the differences between all of these identities and orientations.

Jennifer: I think something, too, that I always think about is just that gender identity and expression also don't always match. So we're used to thinking that you can see somebody and you might believe their expression is very feminine, so maybe they have long hair, they're wearing a dress, they're wearing pink. And that you can say, oh, that means that that person is a woman. Or that someone looks very masculine in their expression and that means that they are a man. And we really want to try and break that assumption that our brains naturally make because the way that someone expresses themselves doesn't really indicate their gender identity, they don't always have to match. And sometimes that can be because people just like to play around with their expression right? Someone can identify as a man but really like feminine stuff, and vice versa and all different kinds of ways and people might be non-binary but our society has still labeled expressions feminine and masculine and we still might put those kind of labels on it. And the other thing to remember is in our world it's not always safe for people to express themselves the way that they want to. And so someone might identify differently than the way they're expressing themselves, and they might even actually want to be expressing themselves differently, but for whatever reason, they don't feel or they aren't in a place where it's safe enough for them to really express themselves the way they want to. So it's really helpful to try and unlearn that assumption that you make. So if you're seeing people around you and you're pretty used to saying you know oh that woman over there in line or that man over there in line just based on their expression maybe trying to say that person in the purple shirt or something like that so that you're starting to help yourself unlearn your, your assumption that the way people express themselves is the way that they identify.

Vic: Yeah, it's definitely normal to do that, even though we're constantly educating ourselves on different identities. I find myself assuming people's gender or sex, and then I catch myself, like, Oh wait, I actually don't know, you know, and that's okay. To catch yourself in that and just remember to keep practicing.

Cassidy: Yeah I agree with that and I still catch myself every day, mistakes that I'm making in my head even or mistakes I make verbally and it's just about saying, “Oh, okay, let me correct that” and then move on. So, I'm still working on it. I think we all do to some extent-- it's so ingrained but just trying to switch that around. So with the sexual orientation and romantic orientation, gender identity is something that came up for me a while ago that I hadn't considered is that sexual orientation can be different than romantic orientation. So like going back to asexuality. Asexuality meaning no we're infrequent desire for sexual attraction and aromantic is kind of like the opposite of that of no or infrequent romantic attraction. And I think that it's important to note that sexual orientation can be different to romantic orientation and the way I've heard it described to me and please catch me if I'm wrong but sexual orientation is like who you choose to go to bed with, whereas romantic orientation is who you choose to love or who you love or who you do go to bed with so because-- you know, often times it's not a choice. Let me correct that. See, always going back and making sure your language is, is accurate but I've always found that to be an interesting concept that I didn't always think of, so just knowing that they can be different and, you know, respecting that process so that's something that came up for me a while back.

Vic: Yeah, and for a while I didn't really recognize that either but then when I heard of this, I actually knew people that had different sexual orientations and different romantic orientations. And this kind of goes back to polyamory. So there are certain identities within the community that might identify as straight romantically, but then not have a straight sexual orientation, so we don't want to be gay gatekeeping same with asexual individuals, same with intersex folks so if you identify as straight romantically or straight sexually. That's okay, you know, you're included in the acronym, and in the community.

Jennifer: Yes, I love that point Vic about being gatekeepers, um, for sure. I think that's something that, you know, talking through all these different identities and whatnot. I think sometimes people might feel like there is a barrier. But that's absolutely not how the LGBTQIA+ community is and I think especially talking about people that are questioning their identity right? Like we, we want this community to feel so safe and welcome to anyone that wants to be a part of it and that wants to connect with folks and even taking it to the level of like what SOGIE does everything that we offer all our programming is open to everyone in the community and allies, the Lavender Lounge is open to anyone, including allies and so we try to make the spaces that we're in as comfortable as possible because we don't know people's identities and we don't know what people are questioning and we don't know… Yeah, I mean we can't know who someone is unless we ask and we just want everyone to feel safe and respected and valued in the spaces we have. Yeah, so I just love like we are not gatekeepers, no one is a gatekeeper for this community. 

Jennifer: Okay, so I think that pretty much wraps us up for our little overview of the identities and the LGBTQIA+ community. So hopefully you took something away from our time today, you learned a little bit of something. And so I'm going to ask everyone here to share: if people only take away one thing from this podcast you know what is that one thing that you hope someone took away from our time today? Cassidy, do you want to go first?

Cassidy: Yeah, sure. Um, so kind of talking from an allied perspective. I know that we just gave a lot of information and it's information that I'm still learning. But I want you to know that we don't expect to be... for you to be an expert after listening to our one podcast. And you shouldn't put that pressure on yourself and I, and I think that in conversations I've had with members of the community and in conversations I've had with other allies. No one is asking you to be an expert no one is asking you to spend hours researching all the different terms that plus could be, but it's just an awareness and a respect for other people's journeys and other people's hearts and minds and souls so just keeping that in mind that no one's expecting expertise after our, you know, 30 minute talk but just a level of awareness, that, you know, these are all valid and they all exist. Everyone, like hearts and minds. Yeah.

Vic: Yeah, I love that. I think that people get caught up in being perfect when it comes to learning different identities, which makes sense because you want to make sure you're respecting people, but at the end of the day, even though we provided you with all these different identities and definitions it's so personal. And I gave you just my own personal example and that might be confusing to you, if we had more time I could explain it and I'm sure other individuals feel the same way about their own identity. It's gonna take time to really understand. But from this podcast, I'd like you to know that making assumptions isn't really helpful for anyone, including yourself, because then you're just limiting yourself from knowing the other person more deeply and intimately.

Jennifer: Wow. Wow. You two are awesome. I'm like, how do I follow that up? I think that my takeaway would be-- and I think I kind of already said this a little bit but like it's so important, I must say it again-- is just remembering that you can't, you can't assume someone's identity and you can't label somebody differently than they label themselves. And that identities can change, and I say all of that I didn't come out until I was in grad school and so I think a lot of people would make assumptions about my identities, before that time in my life, right? And I'm also married and so a lot of people will make assumptions about my identities based on the person that I married, rather than actually knowing who I am or asking me who I am. And so I think it's just so important to just like fix that. To get to know people and to really trust and validate who they are and who they tell you who they are because that's what really matters. 

Vic: And not everyone wants to be a part of the community and the ways that we are so actively involved like they might say they are a part of the community but it might just not be a big piece of their life and that's totally okay as well, especially considering in the past there has been a lot of gatekeeping in the community with different identities. So keeping that in mind that it doesn't feel right for you at this moment in time, that's okay as well.

Jennifer: I love it. So another question for our friends on the podcast. Um, what advice would you give your undergrad self and Vic, I know that you are finishing up your undergrad time here at JMU. So maybe you can think of, what advice would you give a first year, or yourself in your first year?

Cassidy: That's a big one, so I'm a graduate student. I know that I was a graduate assistant earlier. So I'm not too far off from my undergrad and a big, big learning moment for me was realizing the importance of self compassion, and how that can play into your stress level, and burnout. And just your mental well being. So, being a college student I know it's hard, especially for this community in COVID time. A lot of people in this community are being sent home to places that aren’t affirming their identities or may not even know their identities. And that's an obstacle on that part and it breaks my heart. But I think my advice to my undergrad self would also be advice to anybody struggling right now and it's just to self-affirm, to give yourself grace, and provide some self compassion, and it could help. Just a little, in these times. And it definitely helped me as I got through my undergrad.

Vic: Thank you for that. I also agree and  that will be helpful for really anyone in this time, particularly. I think, for my first year. I tried to do this but even more so I'd say be completely unapologetic. And the way that I want to express myself so just being okay with the way that I am I feel like there's a lot of pressure to emulate some, some sort of perfection or, especially going into college, just like you have more of a chance to kind of shape who you want to be but I'd say just embody who you are at that time and it will change naturally. But yeah being unapologetic and accepting just the quirks and the different mannerisms that I have because I am who I am and there's things that will change but just being fully accepting of what is and loving that eventually.

Jennifer: I love that, I love like the, I guess the word “unapologetic,” and I just think that's so great. I think my advice… and part of me was like, “Oh, you know COVID times, it's kind of different.” But then I also think it still applies, is just don't be afraid to put yourself out there and go to events and go to places alone, you know, go to things where you don't know anybody, and I, like I said, you know it's different in COVID times please be safe and social distance. Wear your masks and wash your hands. But I also think this super applies to virtual things going on because I know for a lot of people, myself included, sometimes it's really like nerve wracking to hop into this Zoom call or whatnot, you know, you're just worried how things are gonna go and you don't know people and it is a really different time that we're currently in but I think connecting and building community is still so important, and know that there's gonna be somebody else in that room that doesn't know anybody either that's new, and that's going to be super excited to meet you. So definitely like keep engaging Keep, keep showing up to things virtually and whatever other way they are happening safely. But put yourself out there and don't be afraid to go alone or be the only one joining in on something. 

Jennifer: And our last question for our lovely podcast guests, um, for everyone listening, Cassidy and Vic asked me to come up with a fun question for us, and to surprise them. So they have not heard this question before, there is no rehearsal for this. My question is: if you were a color on the rainbow pride flag, what color would you be? And for our listeners that maybe don't know all the colors on the rainbow pride flag. There have been a few different versions. Brief history. So you can pick a color off of any version you want. So there's pink, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, like a turquoise-y blue, purple. Also, black and brown and a little bit of white too if we're using our like very inclusive, black, brown trans pride flag, because we can use that one too. So, I don't know who's ready to jump in there but what color would you be if you were a color from one of the pride flags?

Cassidy: And I love this question because I just learned the other day that the colors on the traditional pipeline mean something like every color means something.

Jennifer: Yes!

Cassidy: So yes, I'm ready for this question. And I'm going to pick blue. Because blue means harmony and serenity. And while I'm not always great at remaining calm, I do get a little neurotic, but I shoot for that and that is my goal and I hope that I accomplish it more often than not, So, I'm going to choose blue.

Vic: I was worried you were gonna pick mine but you didn’t. I pick orange like it just popped in my mind immediately. And then I was thinking about what it meant. And it means healing. And I love that because I feel like I'm on a continuous journey of healing. And I also want to pursue... I want to pursue healing and wellness for others. So, it feels... that one feels right for me.

Jennifer: Oh, I love it. I think I will pick turquoise. Because it is magic and art, and for me that is like such an embodiment of queerness and like my queer identity too I think I feel like super connected. I'm like very emotional. I'm a four on the enneagram for anybody into that and I and it's like super creative and like all that kind of stuff and like, Yeah, so I feel like that just is like very connected to my identity and so.

Jennifer: Oh my gosh. Wow. Well, we… Our little SOGIE team here has been so excited to talk to you all. So, thank you so much for tuning into this podcast. If you want to stay connected to SOGIE, to events, to different things that we have going on, learn more about the LGBTQIA+ community, follow us on social media. We use Facebook and Instagram mostly, and we’re there @JMU.SOGIE, which is S O G I E. Next week, some of our SOGIE team are going to be back with you again, including some of our lovely amazing SOGIE volunteers. Folks are going to be sharing different things around coming out, sharing some coming out stories, misconceptions, tips and tricks, all things coming out. So please join us for that. So thanks for listening and remember to be well Dukes.
If you're listening to this episode for HTH100, the passcode is "SOGIE".